Anticipation

She says that we need to talk,
My heart tells me this isn't good!
It may be what is best for us,
But I know I will cry when she gives me the low down.

Since I have returned it's been nothing but bad,
When I was gone she was always sad.
She gives me such confusing messages,
I don't know what to do, to say, I'm lost!

It has been strained at best,
And yet, we have had our intimate moments.
I need to stop it all,
Put an end to this madness.

My heart can't take the pain,
I haven't even had time to heal from the last one.
When I left on vacation I was fine - it was over,
But when we spoke she wanted me so.

Maybe this was just a fantasy for her,
Now that I'm back she realizes this isn't what she wants.
Reality that I am not a man and never will be.
And I think I get on her nerves constantly.

I am sure she will tell me she is moving out.
That is fine with me - it is probably best.
That way when she is out all night I won't know,
And be lying awake, crying, feeling the pain.

I guess I am just not down with these new morals.
I try not to get involved with someone who isn't ready.
But of course I knew she was married so I don't know what I was thinking.
She was beautiful, smart, fun to be around.

She still is all those things but she has become harsh to me.
Critical of what I wear, I hate to say it, but a typical female.
Never happy with you just being you.
Not understanding that men and some lesbians don't care about that.

It is all so exterior, fake, who cares.
Am I clean? Do I take a shower? Are my clothes clean?
Maybe not to her standards but I don't stink.
I am just tired of this merry-go-round.

I really like her but I don't understand her.
Nothing I do makes her happy.
Last night she looked at me and said that I was a good person.
I thought, now what is behind this.

I decided then that she said that because she doesn't want to hurt me,
But she knows she is going to.
It is a part of life, no one enjoys hurting others,
But you have to do what you have to do so you can be happy.

I have always had a hard time breaking up,
because I don't want to hurt that person.
I've been miserable staying in the relationship,
Which made me miserable to be with.

Well now I guess it was my turn to be happy
And yet the person I am with isn't
So it is best to not fight it - it won't do any good anyway.
And pray that the one God wants for me will come my way.

So even though I am not looking forward to this evening,
I will try and put on a "happy face"
I won't try to dissuade her - I am okay with that.
It just hurts knowing that you gave it your all!

I wish I knew how to be brave and strong,
I wish I had never let the walls down.
I liked it much better when I didn't show my feelings,
Wear my heart on my sleeve like I do now.

I don't know when I became this weak.
I guess probably once I let someone love me,
Which was a long time ago,
I really need to remember it is best to remain single.

That way you don't get your heart broken.
I've already known love, lust, desire
And truly I can live without it.
This will sound bad but I don't need anyone!




Here's 2 u -n- from u -n- 2 u again
If I hadn't met u I wouldn't have let u
But I met u, and let u -n- bet u
If I met u I'd let u again!