Five Years - Continued

I hear the doorbell, my heart is pounding,
She came after all - I wasn't sure she would
Five years is a long time and a lot has changed
She probably wants answers more than anything

I'm not sure this was such a good idea,
Hopefully she won't ask too many questions
Not in front of the children - my children!
I open up the door

Her blue eyes are so intense, serious, questioning
She has a look of anger and resentment
I invite her in and ask if she is okay?
She nods her head and asks where the children are

They are washing up for dinner
It should be ready in 5 minutes or so
"Could I get you something to drink?"
Ice Tea

Long Island?
No, she says, drank two beers just to get my courage up
I nod in understanding
I get her tea with just a little ice, sweetened

The children come down stairs
They stop when they see her, acting shy
Then they smile and tell me they washed up
She gets up from the couch

We look into each other's eyes
I know she can see my wounds,
Wounds she caused
Wounds she only can guess

But she somehow sees them all
I can sense it - she has a look of?
Pity? Shame? Understanding?
Knowledge and acceptance maybe!

I wanted to talk a little before dinner
but she showed up right on time
My nerves are tight, my stomach tight
I look away - the gaze too intense for me right now

We walk into the dining room, table set
Food already on the table
The cook is in the kitchen
Last bit of clean-up before she leaves for the evening

It is just the four of us
Usually Sheila & Tammy eat with us
They are going into the city for the weekend
Needed some time for themselves

I have never spoken of Beth to anyone
No one knows we were lovers once
All they know is she works at the "ranch"
Now Beth is about to find out I own the place

I wonder if she will stay on after tonight
She might feel awkward
Will I want her to stay - I have heard things
She is quite popular - always has been

Together we got a lot of looks
Made a lot of people happy when it didn't work out
We never actually broke up
I just didn't come home one night

Then the night turned into a week
a month, a year, I guess eventually she got on w/life
I never tried to contact her
What would I say - Why try to contact her

It was over the night I didn't come back
My life was over that night
But then I found out I was pregnant
If not for that I would have been dead already

We all held hands thanking God for the meal before us
I fill Jonathan's plate first and then Katherine's
Beth pours them each a glass of milk
They smile at her and say Thank you

I am lost for what to say
I hear the children talking but none of it is registering
My mind is back to that night so long ago
That first night!

TBC