Merry Christmas and Good Riddance

Monday, December 28, 1981

I remember walking into the kitchen toward the dining room and Mom told me to Call Ann and tell her that I am ready to go. Ann was my case worker. I had been in foster care since I was 6 1/2 and I had turned 17 the month before. For 10 1/2 years this was my family. Mom, Dad, their two children who still lived at home even though there son was 23 or so. Three younger foster brothers and my 1/2 sister who at the time I had still believed to be my full-blooded sister.

I asked Mom where was I going and she said that I was going to another foster home so I needed to pack my things. I was stunned to say the least - I had no idea I was being kicked out. Yeah there had been an incident a month or so prior where I fought back physically for the first time. Overall though I thought things were okay.

I called Ann and of course she already knew the situation and they already had another home for me. That is how my foster parents did things. Just sprung it on you. Lied if they had to, Mom was the "Mother Teresa" of the neighborhood you might say but for those of us who actually lived there we knew different - she was more like the old lady in the "Wizard of Oz" on the bicycle. I don't want to quite say the "Wicked Witch of the West" because she is still my Mom in my heart and I do love her. Now we have a good relationship but I have not healed from the pain and after 30 years I need to write it down - I have tried prayer, giving it to God, therapy, ignoring it, but I have to tell my story in hopes that I can heal and become a better person - the person that I can be proud of - happy, kind, giving, accepting, loving and forgiving.

It took me less than an hour to pack. 10 years of my life essentially fit into a small box. I had two pair of shoes, church shoes and cheap ass k-mart sneakers I had a pair of "waffle stompers" that I had bought the summer before for $30 from my S-I-L and my clothes. I don't remember if I was allowed to take the hangers or not but I had some dresses but I never wore another one from that day forward to school. I was tired of wearing dresses every day and refused to wear one to school. I owned a couple pair of pants and bought a couple more once I got to my new home. I bought a pair of cowboy boots and literally wore them everyday to school.

This is the story of my childhood and I am starting from the end and moving backward. Some of you that know me may not want to read this but I will be completely honest with my story. This is how I remember it and I have a pretty good memory. Why would I want to lie if I am trying to heal? I wouldn't so I hope that whoever comes across this understands that this is a new way of me trying to Chase Away the Demons!