Fear

Two days ago, while riding the train in a foreign land I encountered a woman who was in awe of me traveling alone in a foreign country to destinations to be determined. As we were talking I expressed to her that I think when we 'fear' things they come to us. I explained how as a 21 year old I hitchiked a good part of the western US.

I didn't share this part with her but I had two incidents that could have gone wrong but I handled them both by being assertive and they obviously weren't ready for that. One guy groped my breast within 30 seconds of me entering his vehicle and I told him to pull over and he did and I got out. The second one was a trucker who I had been traveling with for most of a day and he had told me I could get some rest in the sleeper compartment. He attempted to join me about 20 minutes later. I crawled out of the compartment and out of the truck, it was 2 a.m. about 10 miles south of the Wyoming border but I didn't care.

I didn't fear much at this point in my life and I still don't to this day. Yesterday I met a really nice guy on the train and we started talking and he was really helpful. I had found myself very depressed the day before and I was trying to figure out why. Was it the lack of human contact or maybe too much free time (I tend to work 7/12 but currently am on a 12 day vacation) We talked about a lot of things and one of them was fear and I shared w/him my epiphany from the day before.

During the interim of speaking w/the lady and him I was thinking about fear and about my brother (the lawyer) who had spent years molesting me. Maybe it was the fear that he would do it, brought it to me and maybe when I asked him for sex it showed I didn't fear it any more and that is why it stopped. I am sure it also scared him a bit too because in a way it took away his power. I would love to know what you think???