Hell or Hypocrites

Thursday, July 16, 1981

Reunion was to begin the next day but I had to work so I wouldn't be going out until Friday evening. Usually everyone showed up around noon on Friday and left around the same time on Sunday. The relatives from Canada, OR, ID, KS and wherever else they may hail from usually stayed for Sunday evening service but some chose to hit the road. This also happens to be my brother-in-law's birthday.

I was in the kitchen after getting off of work and I think I was helping Mom make a salad for dinner. One of the Uncles was there (6 Uncles on this side of my foster dad's family-dad being the youngest living boy because the 8th son and youngest child of 15 died in a drowning accident when he was 18) anyway back to the Uncle. Mom and Dad were arguing with me about some transgression I had committed and I was defending myself per usual because generally what I was accused of I hadn't done. Anyway I remember my Uncle butting in and saying that I was going to go to hell for talking to my parents that way. My response: I'd rather spend eternity in hell then in heaven with all you hypocrites. The parents jumped on that and they all were absolutely flabbergasted that I said it but at that moment in time I meant it as much as a person can. Honestly who really wants to spend eternity in hell.

So Friday I head out to reunion after work and start doing the reunion thing, hanging with the cousins your age and taking turns with my little brothers keeping an eye on them. Swimming in the lake and playing softball. I always enjoyed reunions even though we only had them every other year.

Well my cousin (not blood of course) was there and the winter before she had given her life to Christ and that is all she could talk about. It was really actually quite exciting because I could definitely see a change in her. I had a serious crush on her but she was straight of course and we were only 16 and I had no idea what to do with it anyway. I didn't know what the word was for a lesbian and I really didn't know there were others out there. We stayed up all Saturday night talking and she was really trying to get me to give my life to Christ. I wanted to but at the same time I didn't want to give in to the "hypocrisy" of it all. I had a lot of anger but around 5 am we prayed together and I gave my life to Christ. I remember feeling very euphoric most of the day (except the two times I cussed, once using God's name in vain) that evening at church I was feeling very unworthy but she talked to me and told me we all make mistakes that is why Christ died for us on the cross. I knew the story and forgave myself and asked Christ's forgiveness and I felt much better.

Monday July 20 1981

I went to work that morning and one of my bosses noticed a change in me. She mentioned it and then everyone agreed I seemed different. I told them that I had been saved over the weekend and it got very quiet. This was a rough bunch of kids most of us poor and were working Youth Conservation Corps (YCC). Me and another girl used to cuss back and forth to see who could come up with the most outrageous words but it stopped that day and we still had a lot of fun. The three bosses were pot smokers and at the end of the year they threw a party with "party brownies" of course my parents didn't allow me to go but I wasn't really upset about it because I knew I was on a different path and I didn't need the temptation. I had never smoked, used drugs or drank and I really didn't have a desire to - that only came later!